I ended up calling it ‘Paywatch’, the long-running series where I, your quietly dignified protagonist, awaits his remuneration with stoic resolve.  Or, to put it another way, “I didn’t get paid”.  In the end, I was forced to take a personal day to deal with a lot of stuff with my family and my home, and, of course, I got a call early that morning from a co-worker. “Hey, our paychecks are here!” Regardless, I still had prior obligations. BUT I got paid.

True, it barely covers the mortgage since it’s a short-pay-period check with drastically-reduced billable hours, but at least it keeps the banks away from my ankles for one more week. Next week, they might get a few nibbles of my succulent flesh, but I’ll deal with that when it happens.

By the way, stoic resolve is a really, really inconvenient way to live your life.  Not because it’s so problematic to ME, but just because the rest of the world generally chooses to misinterpret it in many different and interesting ways, and it sort of flies in the face of the philosophy to try and correct everyone everytime. I can only hope history judges me kindly (although since history will be doing that in the FUTURE, I get a little confused and try to call it fustury.)

Things That Make Me Happy #223

George Special Dry Skin Cream.  I heard about it from my mom, and I bought a tiny tube to try it out.  At first it squikked me out because it is quite greasy and takes a while to work into the skin, even if you only use a little.  It wasn’t until two or three days later that I realized: I apply it once in the morning, and I’m actually good all the way until I get home.  With handwashing, typing, mousing, hands-in-pockets, and more handwashing, I don’t need to reapply lotion at all, whereas with my Aveeno, I have to use it five or six times.  Half an hour of greasy hands is a small price to pay for this awesome, awesome stuff. Buy it.

Things That Make Me Happy #224

Memories of Marmot Mountain… which was dynamited down to make room for a Chapters Book Store, a Petland and a couple mediocre restaurants.   Obviously, it’s the memories of the pre-blasting mountain that I enjoy.

Things That Make Me Happy #225

Occasionally, I also enjoy Chapters Book Store.  Not often.

Things That Make Me Happy #226

Rain in February.

Things That Make Me Happy #227

Taking kids through the carwash. (Inside the car).

Things That Make Me Happy #228

Watching my son bike to school.  My arthritis-riddled son.

Things That Make Me Happy #229

The number 229.  I don’t know why.  It looks neat.

My Two Steves

o no, don’t worry… it’s the name of a song by eminent musical god Steve Burns. Around out house, it’s hard to tell who likes him more: my two- and three-year old daughters, or my slightly older wife, who refers to him as “Secret Boyfriend Number Three”. Secret Boyfriends One and Two have funny accents, though, so they ranked higher.

I’m still waiting for his second album, ‘Deep Sea Recovery Efforts’, which was due out in late 2008.  I can only assume that he’s fiddling around with electronic doodads and walking up to complete strangers and yelling things like “I KNOW STEVE DROZD!” and “BLUE WAS JUST A F***ING CARTOON!” and “NO, I DIDN’T RUB SLIPPERY SOAP ALL OVER MY BODY!!” and “STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES OF YOURSELVES!”

The last two were probably aimed at stay-at-home moms. He’s a lot of secret boyfriends.

I urge everyone to go out and buy ‘Songs For Dustmites’, his first album, right now.  Maybe, if he makes enough money from those sales, he can FINALLY put out that damn second album.  He’s also got half a dozen free songs over at www.SteveBurnsRocks.Us , including some from the first and second album, so you can Try Before You Buy.

Also, stop sending him naked pictures.

Things That Make Me Happy #219

The YouTube video of him playing Black Sabbath songs with the Starlight Mints.

Things That Make Me Happy #220

When my two-year old eats all of her breakfast without making a mess… while the older kids do neither of those things.

Things That Make Me Happy #221

When said two-year old also is the only one to HELP me make breakfast.  She opens the fridge, gets the milk, puts the bread in the sink, drops apple juice on the floor, and hugs my legs while I am trying to operate a toaster.  It may not be helpful in the strictest sense of the word, but the emotional and psychological help is inestimable.

Things That Make Me Happy #222

Mini Wheats.

“Put Up Or Shut Up”

I say this because so many people in the world go out of their way to make life difficult for everyone else, usually because person B does something person A hates.  Person B isn’t doing anything WRONG, no matter how much Person A thinks they are.  When Person B asks Person A for proof they’re doing something wrong, Person A just changes the subject. In my office right now, Person A has been saying for three years we’re breaking the law at one of our developments, and every single time we ask them to prove it, they just change the subject.  A different Person A has been insisting Persons B that I am related to have no right to their property, and whenever Person B says “Prove it!”, Person A leaves and just starts up again the next day.

There oughta be a law against it.

Things That Make Me Happy #216

Tonight: I make meatballs.  I need to find a way to sneak bacon in.

Things That Make Me Happy #217

Seeing the “Slap Chop Rap Chop Remix”… on television.

Things That Make Me Happy #218

New House tonight!

…

This Day In Blogging History: 2008

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable
that we have to alter it every six months. ~ Oscar Wilde

Art produces ugly things which frequently become beautiful
with time. Fashion, on the other hand, produces beautiful things
which always become ugly with time. ~ Jean Cocteau

When his wife asked him to change clothes to meet
the German Ambassador: If they want to see me, here I am.
If they want to see my clothes, open my closet
and show them my suits. ~ Albert Einstein

It’s the things that aren’t accepted as conventionally beautiful
that I find more attractive. ~ Mark Jacobs

There’s a heck of a starter, eh?

Now, this whole blog post started from an article: Bus Driver Kicks Off “Freaky” Goths. Pretty quickly, the discussion on my fora settled onto three things:

1.) The leash meant that the two goths were forcing their sexual fetish upon everyone who could see them.

2.) Being a goth is not a choice.

3.) It may or may not be a hate crime, depending how pedantic you can be.

Now, as someone who married a “freaky goth” (and then, sadly, domesticated her… sorry, sweetie!!) I am clearly on the side of “What the hell was the bus driver smoking?” I also very quickly became almost the ONLY person on that side, as everyone else proceeded to slam the goths for dressing like idiots, offending everyone’s sensibilities, and engaging in sick fetish play in public.

It saddened me, because the entire forum is pretty much a shrine for geek culture, including what things geeks find sexy, how ‘normal’ people treat geeks, and even an entire section on how to purposefully ‘wierd out’ normal people, either by action or inaction. It’s all right to do that as long as you wear the mantle of ‘geek’, but as soon as your outfit includes black leather and a collar, you become sick and irresponsible. I had to back out of the conversation simply because I was in danger of pulling a muscle with all the *facepalming* I was doing.

Amusingly, no-one else thought that belly-shirts, low-rise pants, or other naughty and overtly sexualized outfits were bad at all, despite the fact that they are worn in public and are WAY more forceful upon the eyes and sensibilities of the helpless public than, say, two people who are sitting quietly and happen to be attached to eachother by a thin metal chain.

This is the first really blatant act of hypocrisy on this forum, which I guess is pretty good, considering I’ve been there for eight months, but I guess goths are an easy target. “We may be geeks, and we may be wierd, but at least we’re not as bad as THEM!!!” *fingerpointing ensues*

*sigh*

The best man at my wedding had green hair, for Gord’s sake…

This Day In Blogging History: 2006

Attention to all the people who find my blog “Inquisitive”, and would like to tell me about being a park ranger, or give me advice on investing my money into penny stocks:

FUCK OFF AND DIE

Seriously… to darreljones2541388358, christopherbenson9725, and all the rest of you… we don’t go to your blogs. Please invent some sort of filter that keeps you off of blogs where the posters are intelligent enough to ignore you. Maybe a spellchecker… if you get less than 1% errors, assume the blog is being written by someone who isn’t retarded, and move on.

Unfortunately, this is all so much screaming in the wind because there’s no way to get rid of spammers, mostly because the people in charge don’t really want to. They provide valuable search-enigne fodder and ad-click revenue. Spam is the corporation’s best friend, and my undying nightmare. In honor of this, my pictures of the day will be as scary as I can find.

This Day In Blogging History: 2005

… in our continuing battle. I had thought the battle lost when I was forced to miss work Tuesday and half of Wednesday. Allow me to recap.

Monday found me feeling good. I was ok in the morning, having gotten enough sleep. I was ok in the day, kicking ass and chewing bubblegum on my lakeshore resort project. I helped Steph do some grocery shopping, I got a lift home, I put the groceries away, and then I was suddenly gripped with severe abdominal pain. I was up till four in the morning… uhm… near the bathroom. I had thrown up lunch, breakfast, and even some popcorn from Sunday night.

Tuesday I was aunable to eat anything. I was hot, and shivering because I was cold, and laying on the couch trying not to put any pressure on my midsection. I had a massive headache, and I was also very very near the bathroom, since I couldn’t stop throwing up.

Wednesday morning I did Steph’s paper route, since she was laid up with her ear infection. This was apparently not a good thing since immediately after there was a great deal more blood coming out of me than was usual (which means I had started bleeding some 12 hours before, but the timing was still scary). I went in to work in the afternoon, since I like getting paid and being able to afford rent and food, but I was alternately hot, cold, tired, and feeling fine. That night I had a little bit of dinner (Rice Krispies) and was not too too sick, but I was up a lot with pain.

I was at work all day Thursday, but boy that sucked. People in my office, or just walking by, could hear the sounds my stomach was making. After looking up a few things online, (mostly involving the words “black” and “blood”)I decided that my doctor could go f*** himself, and I went to the walk-in clinic after work. (My doctor made an appointment with me for next Wednesday at 11am. Seven damn days away.) I went to the clinic, and I was informed that I most likely had an ulcer, which got infected when I had the stomach flu, and was hemorrhaging blood into me. He told me to drive right down to the emergency room for some blood tests. I told him that since I didn’t have a car, I’d walk, and his jaw just dropped right open.

“You can’t walk down there! You shouldn’t be walking anywhere at all!”

I responded by informing him that I walked to work all week.

“You what?! How could you be walking to work when you feel like this? Why are you working at all?”

I informed him that I needed the money, and I didn’t feel so bad that I couldn’t operate a keyboard. Besides, I did my wife’s paper route Wednesday morning.

“You did what? Jesus, I should hit you for being so stupid, why would you do that? How did you even do that with this going on?”

I explained to him that the philosophy I was raised on, “Shut up and tough it out”, combined with my Scandinavian heritage, caused me to work even harder when I was sick. Illness just makes me stubborn, and I redouble my efforts so that, from an outside perspective, there’s no change in my productivity. I have too much stuff to do. I thought he was going to hit me then. He ordered me to “take a god damn cab” down to the hospital and get my blood tests, then “call your doctor and MAKE HIm tell you the results, and if this keeps up, go to his office and DON’T LEAVE until he treats you”. The guy at the clinic, a really nice doctor by the way, was honestly angry at me and my doctor for letting this happen.

Anyways, the upshot of it is, I have a bleeding ulcer (which has mostly stopped bleeding). I missed a day and a half of work, and it seems Kyle caught my stomach flu, which is still hitting him a LOT milder than it hit me. Everyone at the office is moderately sympathetic, which is good, since they don’t mind I missed work for a good reason. However, those little pills I got from the clinic are MIRACLE drugs, and my stomach feels 90% better.

On the downside, my cough is getting worse again. People used to say, “Chris, if it wasn’t for bad luck, you’d have no luck at all.” Nowadays, that should be revised to say, “Chris, if it wasn’t for bad luck, you’d… hey, what are you doing… hey, get away from me with that baseball bat… hey!”

*krunchkt*

Google Videos aggregates videos from a hundred websites.  I want to watch 54-40 music videos? No problem, there’s a Japanese website that has their music! I want to hear the new Everlast cover of “Folsom Prison Blues”? I can do that, thanks to some wierd German website.  Google brings the world of blocked domains to my fingertips. God bless us, everyone.

Also, that Everlast video is SERIOUSLY funny.

My Vox posts were a lot better than this.  I’m thinking of going back to Vox, since the only confirmed readers I have here are Tyrone (HI TYRONE) and Throkky, and I just tell them stuff through normal channels.  And now I’m off to act normal until bedtime!

EXCELSIOR!

Things That Make Me Happy #213

Walking past several fast food joints with a 10$ in my pocket, and not buying a single thing.

Things That Make Me Happy #214

Holly Cole and Steve Burns taking turns trying to cheer me up (Winamp-style).

Things That Make Me Happy #215

Reading old conversations I’ve had with my kids. In particular, this one ALWAYS makes me giggle:

Son 6: Everything in the Universe, and the Universe, began with the Big Bang.
Me: That’s right.
Son 6: That’s the Universe restarting itself.
Me: Yup.
Son 6: Was it a million years ago?
Me: Nope, it was, uhm, 13 billion years ago.
Son 6: When’s it going to restart again? A year?
Me: Nope, some billions of years in the future.
Son 6: But what will happen?
Me: Everything will get to the same temperature, and everything everywhere will explode.
Son 6: What about the stuff on the other side of the Universe?
Me: Everything everywhere.
Son 6: What about the stars past THOSE?
Me: Everything everywhere, still.
Son 6: I think it’s the end of the Universe when there’s no stars for a mile.
Mom: No, not a mile.  Think billions of miles.
Son 6: When there’s no stars for ten miles!
Mom: No, no, hundreds of millions of miles.
Son 6: One million miles.
Me: This is not a negotiation!

It’s not like I MEANT for a week to go by without blogging. My time just got away from me, like your train of thought when you’re having a drunk conversation and you see something captivatingly sparkly in the corner.  In this case, the ’sparkly’ thing was work, and the ‘drunk conversation’ was my life.  It’s right around here that the metaphor starts to fall apart, and I wish I’d paid more attention in all those English classes where they just gave me A’s instead of trying to teach me stuff I didn’t know.

Vegas is no longer in the cards (see what I did there?) but given the circumstances, it’s pretty understandable.  As is the way of things in my life, opportunities come along at the absolute worst possible times, and in this case taking a week off when I’ve taken a severe cut in pay isn’t going to happen, even with the fundraising.  When we’re significantly more financially secure (and don’t have a houseful of meth-addicted midgets) I’ll try a solo road trip again, though probably not with the promise of celebrity-endorsed violence at the apex.

I’ve been feeling really fuzzy lately, and not even due to lack of sleep or lack of food (go go, gadget weight loss!) Maybe this is what being an adult feels like all the time, which I guess explains a lot of the behavior I saw growing up.  It’s hard to have fun, or be fun, when you feel like this, and ignoring it (or whisky-ing it) doesn’t seem to be working anymore.  I guess harder drugs is the next step!

Or, you know… working harder.

Drugs seem way more interesting, though.  Prettier colors, too.

Things That Make Me Happy #206

Despite never really playing it that much, forgetting important aspects, not understanding many of the underlying mechanics, and hating the new user interface, I am STILL completely destroying the competition in our new Civ 4 game (sorry, sweetie!)

Things That Make Me Happy #207

Four straight days of weight loss.

Things That Make Me Happy #208

Finding the website that has all of Jason Ellis’s shows downloaded and converted to mp3 format, and using Audacity to extract the bits I love, including the LL Cool J ‘Holding My Balls’ Remix, one of two That’s Not Gay (Huge Cock In My Ass) musical numbers, and a remarkable collection of Jew Jokes and Voice Altermacation sequences. Also, the Spongebob Squarepants lead-in that Tom Kenny did for the show, since he was doing voicework in the same studio, and actually is a huge fan of the show (but he, sadly, still hasn’t done an interview in-character).

Things That Make Me Happy #209

ANOTHER dream featuring ANOTHER Barenaked Ladies song that I haven’t even heard for eons and eons. What is with that band, and their songs appearing in my dreams? Especially songs from Gordon, which was their first (and by far best) album.  I suppose that album had a huge influence on my musical development, but still.  At least it was a good dream!

Things That Make Me Happy #210

Shaw OnDemand. I’m a simple creature.

Things That Make Me Happy #211

Not having seen Avatar yet.  It’s my Titanic.

Things That Make Me Happy #212

Not being murdered for my latest Facebook link (the Martin Luther King speech from The Boondocks).

THIS DAY IN HISTORY: My blog post from today, 2008:

Taking a deep breath before jumping into a swimming pool.
Taking a deep breath after jumping into a swimming pool.

Playing the accordion at a polka festival.
Playing the accordion anywhere else.

Visiting picturesque McLean, Virginia.
Visiting picturesque McLean Stevenson.

Climbing a mountain.
Climbing a mountain lion.

Good idea: Last night, pretty much the entire Demon Hunter version 2 story, in which Xavious is a young girl, fell into place. Her family, the history, the plot, the finale, everything. Borrowing chunks from Origins, and a few loose thoughts I had floating around, it cameth together. Woo!

Bad idea: letting Alvin in my office convince me to buy the Village Hotel, and offer free beer to all strippers and engineers. (His bad idea, really, but if he loans me the money, it’s OUR bad idea.)

So it seems we got a new washer delivered THAT DAY, hooked it up, and we have now done four loads of laundry. I am wearing a shirt laundered IN OUR OWN HOME! I know people think home machine laundering is a fad, but I could see this taking off, I really could.

I need to sleep.

…

COFFEE TIME!

THIS DAY IN HISTORY: My blog post from today, 2009:

I have two feeds, BBC and FOX.  I mute one and go between the, and oh my farking Gord, there’s some differences.

FOX: “You have to wonder why Mrs Clinton chose to sit there, among all of the other black people, the black people that Obama invited.”

BBC: “Aretha Franklin singing the anthem for Barack Obama on the steps of a building built by black slaves, this is a minumentally historic moment for a proud nation that has been reborn today.”

FOX:  “A strange choice for the man to deliver the prayer for the nation, a man who stands for everything that Obama’s platform rallied against.  You have to wonder what Obama’s fanbase is thinking now, on the first day, that he’s failed them.”

BBC: “Obama’s choice for the man to deliver the prayer signifies his willingness to extend the olive branch, to befriend those he may not agree with, to bring together the disparate parts of the nation, as Abraham Lincoln did before him.”

Mmmm… slanty….

Screw FOX, I’ll stick with news coverage.

The post-Obama part of the ceremony is way better when you turn the sound down on the video player, turn on Winamp, and Clutch’s “Sea Of Destruction” plays while the elderly reverend Joseph Lowry gives his speech.

Hee, now it’s Sevendust’s “Bitch”. during the national anthem.  It finally makes sense now!

Now the BBC’s Cultural and Historical Viewpoint voiceover is set to Rage Against The Machine’s “Genocide”. My Winamp is AWESOME. Also, they made a good point, mentioning the parts of the speech where Obama just directly (and politely) rips into Bush. “We can once again be leaders of the world.” “We can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and one again be great.” Again… hee.

“Obama countered this wave of joy and relief with a speech that was… blunt, and painful, reminding everyone that we are in the middle of a crisis, of SEVERAL crisis, the fault of greed and laziness and the unwillingness to make hard decisions, he just pushed aside that joy and drove reality home with grim resolve, and I think that was exactly what the audience, not wanted to hear, but needed to hear.” Holy crap, Winamp just came up with Spacehog’s “Cruel To Be Kind”.  It’s magic!

They’re interviewing a black guy from Georgia named Melvin, and he’s giving a really eloquent speech about “not just the black folk, but everyone”, and even he says “we proved again that we’re a great country, again we can do it”. They keep saying ‘again’… Oops, another BBC guy at the Capitol Building, talking about the applause and cheering when Obama said “lead again”.  Also, anytime a British person says Detritus, I think of a troll.

“Vice President Dick Cheney in a wheelchair, because he packed some boxes yesterday and threw out his back.  Always a very *cough* ahem *cough* robut sort of a guy, and, heh, uh… not today.”

On my forum, there was a great picture from yesterday, showing Obama at a microphone, and the way the shot was angled, a microphone behind him was positioned for the giant Lincoln statue to speak into.  I can’t find the pic now, but we wondered what Linc would have said if he’d been mic’d.  My guesses:

I wonder what Lincoln would say, if he’d been mic’d?

“I can’t believe I had two Bushes in my party.”
“You elected a black guy? I waited 150 years for someone to get my point.”
“I beat TWO Democratic parties, and a party who just wanted to keep slavery. You guys got it easy.”
“I was born in 200 log cabins.”
“Barack’s from my town, my state. Illinois represent!”
“Could I be any whiter?”
“Real holographic simulated evil Lincoln is BACK!”

Looking good so far.  Not wobbling to the left or the right (any more than usual, anyways), no hull breaches imminent, and the pleasant smell of pine is still lingering.  I think we might just be able to pull this baby off.

Unfortunately, the year starts off with Multiple Personality Robot Sex Dolls, Palin getting a job at Fox, Avatar-induced suicide-spikes, and Count Dooku making a classical-metal conceptual album about the life of Charlemagne.

…

Actually, that last one is pretty sweet.

Things That Make Me Happy #200

I did 200 of these things! That actually makes me happy in it’s own right. I didn’t think I’d be able to keep this crap up for so long. I always start thinking about how more things aren’t made out of cookie and I get sad again.

Things That Make Me Happy #201

My wife got me pink Himalayan sea-salt, so last night I cooked some rare organic grass-fed rib steaks seasoned only with my HImalayan sea-salt, and very nearly went into a delicious-induced food-coma. Luckily, I was revived by spinach-dip made from Greek yogurt. (Man, a lot of my Good Things are food related.)

Things That Make Me Happy #202

Fundraising for Ellismania is proceeding at an acceptable pace! EXTREMELY acceptable! It’s fairly bursting with adequatulence.

Things That Make Me Happy #203

I got contacted about a possible straw bale home in the town east of here, which is where ALL my straw bale interest has been coming from. Huzzah for Google!

Things That Make Me Happy #204

Google sent the ‘Marketing Manager’ of my home business $100 in Google AdSense dollars yesterday.  Hee hee. ‘Marketing Manager’.  I think I’ll make my son’s goldfish the marketing department. Falco and Steve Lombardi think everything is awesome.

Things That Make Me Happy #205

My son having a fish named Steve Lombardi.

Beginning in the sixteenth century, European countries began officially making January 1 the start of the New Year once again — sometimes called Circumcision Style because this was the date of the Feast of the Circumcision, being the eighth day from December 25.

Man, I’m calling it that from now on. Forever.

I dunno what to write aboot today.  I’m blogging only weekly these days, although in my defense the Crimbo season has been hectic as all get out, and is only just now starting to wind down.  Last night, I found myself with so little to do, that I could snuggle on the couch with my wife! How crazy is THAT?!  Of course, it meant I had to do the dishes at 6:30am, but it’s a small price to pay for snuggles.

I am still plugging away on the new websites, and the house plans that will be going therein, but I am still struck with distractions.  I don’t mind so much, since they are creative distractions, not timesink distractions, and there is a distinct difference.  I’m working on several stories simultaneously, and two assorted heavy-metal mashups.  When I am not distracted by snuggles, that is.

Tomorrow, we get to find out just how cool digital cable is… negative or positive integer cool!

Things That Make Me Happy #194

Whenever I have to explain to my kids that, yeah, being naked is awesome, but there’s a RIGHT time and a WRONG time for being naked. Inside, I’m laughing my clothing-covered ass off.

Things That Make Me Happy #195

Watching my youngest girls do Yoga when my wife is on the Wii Fit.

Things That Make Me Happy #196

I had a brief fantasy on the way to work about “Rock Band - Canadian Edition”, and the many, many reasons it would be SO MUCH BETTER than all of the other ones. And then the sad knowledge it would never get made.

Things That Make Me Happy #197

Molasses-baked beans!

Things That Make Me Happy #198

The fact that my old blog now gets more than fifty views per day… all of them spam bots.

Things That Make Me Happy #199

Explaining to someone that they can’t watch a hockey game online… until the game actually happens.

Well, we made it through the year!  When the snow melts, we’ll check for torsos, and then we’ll know just how WELL we survived.

December was a real buttnutter.  I was supposed to have two websites up and running for January 1st, but so far I’ve only got two basic frameworks and a bunch of loose PHP code, and some CSS stylesheets.  I suppose that’s not bad, since I had to learn CSS and PHP to do that, so it wasn’t a total waste, but the new websites aren’t nearly ready.  I need a real office space at home again, since it’s so hard to get real work done in a recliner, while small children try to ‘help’ by pushing the various buttons on my keyboard.  Because more buttons is better, obviously.  I’ll re-clear off the little table by the patio, and maybe buy a real mouse again.  They sell mousepads at the Dollar Store, so this won’t break the bank, I hope!

The kids keep getting bigger and more self-sufficient.  They all got new bedrooms for Christmas: my oldest boy got moved into the small room by himself, so he no longer has to share with his baby sister, while the girls, aged 2 and 3, now share the big room and got a bunk bed with a SLIDE.  So far there’s only been one incident with people falling off of the bunk bed, and it was the older daughter, and she was just scared and winded. In general, they’re all sleeping great (my boy still sleepwalks, and my youngest decided 4:30am was the BEST time to sing songs this morning) and they socialize with eachother a lot better than before.  It’s not quite so murderously time-consuming to be awake at home anymore (but one glance at the living room confirms that, yes, it is still time-consuming).   The only real downside is that now they’re all old enough to be COMPLETELY hypnotized by the television, so when I leave in the morning, most of them don’t even notice.  Even when I stand in the middle of the living room and loudly declare “Bye bye! See you tonight!” Feeling the love.

New Years Eve tonight.  I got four hours of sleep last night, but we did manage to finagle a babysitter (don’t ask me how THAT happened!) so I can go be sleepy with drunk people! WOO!

The next time you see me, I’ll be in the future.

Peace!

Things That Make Me Happy #185

No
More
Poems.
Certainly
Not in this section.
My last poem was hard enough.
It was supposed to be five stanzas, now it’s fifteen.
I hesitate to call it ‘epic’… at best it’s ‘disjointed and rambling’… oh well!

Mmmmm, adequate!

Things That Make Me Happy #186

Got myself the complete “Taintstick - 6 Pounds Of Sound” album. Now I can subject my family to the wonders of A6K and (when the kids aren’t listening) every other song on that album.  Also, I’ve been asked to do two (2!) music videos, one for the ‘Ja Rule Monkeys Of War Remix’, and one for ‘Sir Eaglecock The Third’.

This is going to be a surreal year.

Things That Make Me Happy #187

Austrian Death Machine. A California heavy metal band, with an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator as the lead singer, and every single song is based off of Arnie’s movie dialogue.  They have three albums, including a Christmas album.  There is no downside to this.

Things That Make Me Happy #188

Clodhoppers.  That is all.

Things That Make Me Happy #189

For some reason, this never stops being funny.

Things That Make Me Happy #190

Discovering new webcomics, and eventually ploughing my way through eight years of archives.

Things That Make Me Happy #191

Wii Fit.  That thing is NEATO!

Things That Make Me Happy #192

Having a huge list of real goals for 2010 (even though I’ve been putting them off since early 2009).

Things That Make Me Happy #193

A hat, I say!

So last night, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and my youngest daughter (she just turned two) came in.  She says “Hi, Daddy!” and proceeds to start moving the laundry around (of course).  I ask her if she had a good day, she says “Yeah!”  I ask her if I can have a hug, and she says “Yeah!”  I hold out my arms, but she backs up, and then turns and runs away.  I was already sort of bummed out, so that made me feel even worse.  I sighed, and continued sorting our my shirts.  I didn’t notice where she’d gone to, though, until she tapped me on the shoulder.  She’d snuck around behind me, and climbed up on the bed! I turned around, and she leaned in and held out her arms, and said “Hug?” in a completely innocent voice.  I held out my arms, and she hugged me back, patting me on the shoulder, and saying “Hug,” again, in the Homer Simpson “Mmmm, beer,” voice.  Then she pat me on the head, said “Fuzzy!” and hopped down from the bed.

So I was at Wal-Mart last week, to pick up part of my wife’s Christmas present.  I figured Wal-Mart would have it, they have a huge selection.  I couldn’t find it, so I asked one of the people who worked in that section, and he had never heard of it.  I had to explain what it was to TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE, since both met me with blank stares.  Then I had to wait for them to punch it into the computer, then they told me that, no, they never had it.

Yargh.

The place I was SURE had it didn’t, my SECOND choice didn’t, but my THIRD choice directed me to a FOURTH place, and they DID have it… one left, in fact! I’ve SCOURED this town, and found THE ONLY ONE! MWahahahha!

But I can’t tell you what it is yet.

“Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” is a FUCKED. UP. SONG. Marshmallow pies? Seriously?

Things That Make Me Happy #180

Seems I like whiskey.
My wife made some Irish Cream
And used a two-six.

Things That Make Me Happy #181

I
Found
A good
Present for
My darling Throkky.
Year after year, I suck at gifts.
I put it off, or can’t afford what I want to get.
But this year, I think she’ll finally have a real smile when she opens her present!

Things That Make Me Happy #182

Meat meat meat meat
Meat meat meat
Meat meat meat meat
Meat meat.

Meat meat meat meat
Meat meat
Meat meat meat meat
Meat meat meat.

Things That Make Me Happy #183

Badgers destroyed a
Waterslide development
In my town. Scary.

Things That Make Me Happy #184

I am thrilled,
My heart bursts with win,
Jason Ellis is considering
My swordfighting notion.

A trip to Vegas
Would be a difficult thing,
But if he says ‘Yes’,
I’m meeting the Wing!

EDITED TO ADD:

And half an hour after I posted this, Ellis said on the air that “He wants to do a swordfight? Sign that fucker up!”  I can’t go to the one in Vegas, sadly, just due to socioeconomic difficulties, but there’s a lot of future out there!

I think I sort of know what it’s like to stay on a cruise ship now.

My ‘vacation’ in the city was basically one long meal, punctuated by exhausting knees-bent running-about on good Canadian concrete sidewalks, in boots meant for deep snow and crushing Nazis. My feet and ankles are killing me, from the dual assault of improper footwear and steadily-increasing belly-mass.  Seriously, who puts that much food in front of someone my size, and then asks “Do you want anything else?” Sadistic fuckers. That’s who.

Good news: We don’t have to take my son back to the hospital for six months!

Bad news: He has to take six extra pills per day.

All in all, the medical portions of the trip worked out ok.  We got in and out of the hospital in record time, parking was a snap, and the news was generally good. His eyes are fine, and his knees are getting a little worse, but the new anti-inflammatory regimen (along with the weekly pseudo-chemo) should take care of that, and also hopefully stop his sleepwalking, since he only somnambulates on nights when he complains his legs hurt. Double whammy!

The good people at Ellismania.com are still ignoring my suggestions of a good old-fashioned swordfight at the next Ellismania (or the one after it, since I probably can’t afford to go to Vegas in April). I am determined, though!  I hope to get my internet allies in a letter-writing and mail-bombing campaign to Let Ellis Fight Topper. The LEFT will not be denied!

Things That Make Me Happy #173

Old
Limp
Bizkit.
Stop laughing,
It was really good!
Wes Borland was just amazing,
Durst could actually sing and write before the fame hit,
And there was nothing else out there like it (which ended when every new band copied them.)

Things That Make Me Happy #174

I forgot most of
‘Merry Christmas, Mister Bean’
And giggled like mad.

Things That Make Me Happy #175

Hawkwind is scary music.
So many years ago,
Rife with riffs that would be challenging today,
Swollen with unheard-of distortion,
A classic before it’s time.

Things That Make Me Happy #176

Humidity change,

From the ocean to desert,

My skin’s falling off.

Things That Make Me Happy #177

(sung to the tune of ‘Hark Hear The Bells’)

Rain, go to Hell,
Sweet winter Hell,
It will not stay
Shovelled away.

Heavy, wet snow,
Massive and low.
Shovel won’t push
That fucking slush.

I want it to snow,
A white, fluffy show,
As Winter should be:
Fun and pretty.

Things That Make Me Happy #178

The guy who works here
(And by work, I mean he sleeps)
Finally got canned.

Things That Make Me Happy #179

I wrote seven poems!
I wrote seven poems!
I wrote seven poems!
And now I can stop.